(Al's POV)

So.. the issue with Charlie, which I had thought and told the man himself yesterday.

- He has Fearful Avoidant attachment style, which I had realized since long time ago, but holding on too tight doesn't solve anything. It was said that facing an avoidant would make the most secure person, anxious. Like ebb and flow, as he sees intimacy as a threat, I should let go when he needs to.

- He didn't verbalize this, but he wants our relationship to be discreet, more backstreet kinda way. Which, I had different desire, I want to show off our relationship that's why I'm trying to mold this into socially acceptable one.

- In similar context, I don't think we can live together. We're too codependent, our sense of self blurred and melted into big mess of insecurities. Living separately means we intentionally slot time to be together.

My own problem:

- I can come off as forceful and live in wishful thinking, which.. already become an automatic habit? I said to Charlie, give me another chance and I won't screw up again. Charlie has severe self-esteem and body issue, it triggers my savior complex, yet he reminded me that it's his own problem.

My nerves are prepared for fight, because of years of conditioning I guess. I need grounding meditation.